When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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