Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
