she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
