That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
