Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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