SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
