are you still at the devil's house?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
