I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
