last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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