I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
