ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
