Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
