you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my being single is dangerous.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
