I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
