Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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