i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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