I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
