very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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