Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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