I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
