If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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