guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
