dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
