he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
