is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
