Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So many bounce houses so little time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
