ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
