im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
