These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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