You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
