His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
