so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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