i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
