i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
