I want to make a zoo with you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
