is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
