Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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