did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
