Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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