you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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