I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
