Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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