am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
