just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
