I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
