I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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