I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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