"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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