Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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