you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
third nipple confirmed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
