how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
