someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
