Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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