My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
