I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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