Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
