R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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