I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
