exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
