Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
