Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
